Nature’s Bachelors Can Now Become Grooms

Marriage equality has arrived in Arizona. I honestly thought I would not live to see the day.

By any objective standard this should be cause for celebration. I am one of nature’s bachelors (maybe I need to start using a new term for that) and I’m in a long-term, committed relationship so this change in the legal environment affects me directly. I wish I felt more celebratory.

I’m not usually a pessimist but I wish I felt like this was a war won and not just another battle on the road to the next battle. The Arizona Attorney General announced he would not appeal the court’s ruling because he saw no chance of success at the appellate level or with SCOTUS. Governor Brewer followed up immediately with an announcement;

“Now, with their rulings, the federal courts have again thwarted the will of the people and further eroded the authority of states to regulate and uphold our laws,” Brewer’s statement said. “It is not only disappointing, but also deeply troubling, that unelected federal judges can dictate the laws of individual states, create rights based on their personal policy preferences and supplant the will of the people in an area traditionally left to the states for more than two hundred years.”

What I found most impressive about her comment was that I did not see movement in the lips of any of the Tea-stremists while sound appeared to be coming out of Gov. Jan’s mouth. I think Governor-wannabe Doug Ducey was even drinking a glass of water at the time.

Of course I still live in a state where I can be fired for being gay, denied housing for being gay, and any business can refuse service to my kind. The right to marry is important but it’s still not equality under the law. And let’s not forget how these marriage bans came into existence. Arizona legislators passed same-sex marriage bans in 1975 and 1996. In 2008 the voters enshrined this form of discrimination in the State constitution. The vote count was 56% for the ban and 44% against. I’ll try to take comfort in the knowledge that only 56% of my neighbors hate me.

Nationally, foes of marriage equality vow to fight on. They point out that SCOTUS has reversed itself before on issues of civil rights and could do so again. This is especially true in this case since SCOTUS never ruled. With the end of Justice Ginsberg’s tenure in sight, there is a school of thought that says SCOTUS declined to hear the appeals because Scalia, Thomas, et al knew they didn’t have the votes. There will be ways to get the issue before the court again once  Cruz, Palin, Perry, Paul , or whichever psycho-nightmare-from-Hell becomes president in 2016 and has the opportunity to appoint a replacement or two. I’d love to believe SCOTUS would never reverse itself in a way that would curtail the rights of citizens. Then I remember the Roberts Court is the one that gutted the Voting Rights Act.

In  the meantime, there will continue to be hate-speech all over the internet and Tea-vangelicals will still claim that bullying is a protected expression of their faith.

Stonewall – 45 Years Later

Today is the 45th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. If any moment in the history of the struggle for gay equality in this country can be called pivotal it was this one.

I started to write something about the history and meaning of Stonewall but I realized I was re-inventing the wheel… and doing a second-rate job of it. Stephen, over at Post Apocalyptic Bohemian did a wonderful post on the subject yesterday. He says it better than I could, as he so often does on his wonderful blog. Please check it out.

I’ve touched on Stonewall in a couple of recent posts on Harper’s Valley. In Throw Back Thursday – 1994  I wrote about attending the 25th Anniversary parade.

In Stormé DeLarverie – Rest In Peace I wrote about the passing of one of the pioneers present that night.

What excites me most about the anniversary this year is the number of same-sex couples choosing to make this particular Saturday in June their wedding day. In many ways the path that led to those men and women being able to walk down the aisle together began 45 years ago outside a bar in Greenwich Village. Congratulations to all of them….. and to us all.

Gay Humor – NSFW

The Nellie Olesons

Years ago I went to see a gay sketch comedy group called The Nellie Olesons. I laughed. I liked them. But what I remember most about the experience is how hard it was to describe to straight coworkers the next day. They didn’t understand why it was funny.

Nellie Oleson

Start with the name. For people old enough to remember Little House on the Prairie and who understand that ‘nellie’ can be both an adjective and a proper noun, the name is a double entendre. If either of those bits of background are missing the name just seems odd.

The piece I remember most clearly was a game show sketch called; “You Are Joan!”. The dressed the contestants, two gay men and a lesbian, in thick terry cloth bathrobes and wrapped towels around their heads like turbans. The host would give them real-life situations and ask how they’d respond with the understanding that their response had to be a line of dialog from Mommie Dearest. For example; two guys are in front of you in the express line at the grocery. They have 14 items when the sign clearly says ’10 items or less’. What do you say? And remember, You are Joan. The two male contestants both thought the correct answer was; “Don’t expletive deleted- with me fellas. This ain’t my first time at the rodeo.” The female contestant didn’t know who “Joan” was and didn’t understand why she had a towel on her head. And so it went.

In the end, I think I gave up on describing it to coworkers and left it as; “It’s a gay thing”

This memory was prompted by something I heard on an NPR podcast called, Pop Culture Happy Hour. They end each broadcast by asking all the panelists to name something that is making them happy that week. One of the participants, I believe it was Glen Weldon, mentioned a web series called “Gay of Thrones“. The conceit is a hairdresser is recapping the most recent episode of Game of Thrones to the client in his chair. Each clip in only a few minutes long. Weldon explained, paraphrasing, that these are not for everyone but if you watch Game of Thrones and like this kind of humor, they are very funny. Understatement! Harper’s Other Dad and I loved them.

WARNING:

Some people may find the stereotypes offensive. The language can be explicit. Others simply won’t understand why, instead of using the Game of Thrones characters’ names, he gives them descriptive names like “Blond Cher”, “Pre-surgery Kathy Griffin”, “Mr. Sophia Vergara” and “Brothel Aaron Carter”.

One need not be a Game of Thrones viewer to appreciate the humor, though it helps.

Search for “Gay of Thrones” or visit the website Funny or Die. 

Proposed New Rule – NSFW

Comedian Bill Maher ends each broadcast of his HBO series Real Time With Bill Maher with a segment called “New Rules” when he selects items from the news or current events and opines that there should be a “new rule” that prohibits such behavior. I have a suggestion for him.

New Rule: People need to keep it in their pants when the camera is rolling! Unless you are appearing in an adult film or participating in some type of legitimate medical research, the list of circumstances when it is appropriate to show your penis to a camera is pretty short…so to speak. Three recent reports have created “etch-a-sketch” pictures in my head that would never have been there had this simple rule been observed. I’ve had to shake my head so hard to make these pictures disappear I may have whiplash.

Huff Post Weird News reported the story of a California pizza restaurant’s security camera catching a man amusing himself in his private parts in the restaurant’s kitchen. The restaurant’s owner denies he is the man in the picture. He further denies that it is his kitchen shown. He blames the recording on disgruntled former employees. If this story is true it is disgusting. If not true, I hope there are severe consequences to whomever posted it for the damage they have done to this restaurant, its owner and employees.

In another report from Huff Post’s Weird News, an employee of a Subway restaurant admitted posting a photograph of himself online. In the photo he was rubbing his member on a 12 inch loaf of the restaurant’s bread. He acknowledges taking and posting the photo but denies the event took place inside the restaurant. He says he took the photo at home. The photograph appears to dispute that claim. Even if true; does that make it OK?

It is difficult to know how to rank the ways this is ‘scary-stupid’. It is disgusting. Again, this is an image that will exist in the minds of the consumer and will damage this business and its employees. Near Casa de Harper, Subway and Quiznos are only a mile apart. Where will I next stop for a sandwich?

A more random thought, but definitely toward the top of the list of why this is stupid; who, in their right mind, would invite that comparison in a photograph, much less post it on the web?!

I am unable to find even a shred of humor in the third story. On Sunday, July 14, the Satanic Temple, a New York-based organization that seeks to foster “benevolence and empathy among all people” through Satan, performed a ritual called a “pink mass” at the Mississippi gravesite of Catherine Johnston, mother of Westboro Baptist Church (that’s the “God Hates Fags” folks) founder Fred Phelps Jr. The purpose of the “pink mass” ritual was to make Ms. Johnston a lesbian in the afterlife.

The Pink Mass was performed twice; once with two gay men, and once with two lesbians — in an affirmation of the Satanist Temple’s belief in “freedom and the pursuit of happiness for all people.” The temple is now encouraging same-sex couples to visit the grave and perform their own pink masses. According to the Satanist Temple website, temple spokesman Lucien Greaves officiated the ceremonies while wearing horned headgear, and then proceeded to put his penis on Johnston’s grave.

I have no sympathy for Mr. Phelps and I feel nothing but contempt for the folks of Westboro Baptist Church. To my mind, they represent the worst of what even the broadest definitions of ‘religion’ can include. But in the end, they are a church. They have to right to believe what they believe and hate whomever they hate.

I had no feelings at all about The Satanic Temple. I never heard of them before this. I guess it is a religion or belief system, of a kind. As with God in his/her various forms, I know people who believe in Satan and people who don’t. Intellectually, I find it hard to reconstruct the thought process of someone who believes in Satan AND chooses to be a follower. Most people who believe in Satan view him/her negatively.  Maybe it’s like the Malfoys following Voldemort; The Dark Lord, in the Harry Potter books? What I know about Satan came from the Bible so maybe there is more to the story. I don’t know and, truthfully, this is one of those things I choose not to care about. Like the WBC, they have the right to believe what they believe and hate whomever they hate.

I am a gay man. From that perspective, all I can think of is; with allies like The Satanic Temple, who needs enemies? At a time when it begins to feel like there may be some momentum toward marriage equality, I am not sending a thank-you note to anyone who presents the image of same-sex marriage as two men kneeling on a grave while someone with horns officiates by resting his exposed genitals on the tombstone.

I am appalled at the suggestion that a Satanic ritual can make anyone gay; living or dead. Once again, I won’t be sending a note of thanks to the folks who thought the right message to send at this moment is history is that homosexuality is club one is recruited into, without ones consent, by followers of Satan.

To heap insult upon injury, the Satanist’s ‘protest’ is to make Fred Phelps’ mother a lesbian? I’ll ignore the implication that it is some kind of punishment to Mr Phelps,  or anyone else, to have a lesbian mother. Yes, I understand that it is a polemic action aimed at the Mormons who, famously, convert dead people, without their consent, into the LDS church. I am not going to defend the LDS practice of after-life conversion. I think the idea is offensive. The Satanists, however, are missing a huge difference. Being accepted into a community of faith is an act of choice. Usually it is a choice on the part of the community (through rites such as baptism, confirmation, bar/bat mitzvah, etc) as well as the individual. The Mormons skip that last part if you are dead. LGBT activists have been trying to make the point for generations that being gay is not a choice at all. Perhaps they should have added; “and certainly not a choice made for us by followers of Satan”. At least, that’s not how I got my card.

How many conservative and evangelical groups will drop that photo and article into their next fund-raising flyer? Again, no thank-you note from me, Satanists, but you might expect one from Karl Rove and Pat Robertson. National Organization for Marriage President Brian Brown might send flowers and a candy-gram.

AIDS Walk – Phoenix 2012

It was a beautiful day for AIDS Walk 2012 in Phoenix.

The pre-Walk entertainment and speeches started at 7:45 AM. There was not a cloud in the sky temperature was 68*F. It would be about 10* warmer by the 9:00 AM start of the 5K Run but still quite pleasant.

The Sisters were out. I am told it was warm in that makeup.

It is always nice to see the local politicians come out to support the event. Obviously it is an election year so every vote counts. The mayor had nice things to say. His wife was walking. I was happy to see the Democratic candidate for sheriff at the event. Sadly, his chances of defeating the incumbent Republican sheriff are that of a snowball in, well, Phoenix.

The 5K Run started at 9:00. There were 254 runners this year. I came in 173rd. My time was 4 min slower than last year’s but given how little I trained I did as well as I had any right to expect.

The Walk started at 9:15 and followed the same 5K course. It would be nice to share the experience with Harper’s Other Dad, who walks, but I enjoy it more when I do the run. It is hard to enjoy the event walking because you really only interact with those walking nearby and are constrained by the pace at which others walk. By running, I can set my own pace and be around the route before the walkers start to finish so I can see people as they come across the finish line.

These poor cheerleaders were being totally ignored.

The highlight of the event for me is always those who bring their dogs. We don’t bring Harper. She is a little skittish around large groups of people and I don’t think she’d enjoy it. It is great to see the other dogs having a good time though.

Of course the point of the day is to raise money and awareness. Our hometown newspaper; The Arizona Republic(an) has not covered the event to any significant degree n the past. They had a photographer there but I have not seen any coverage yet. The shelf life of that kind of coverage is pretty limited so I am not expecting much. Of course, they don’t cover Pride or the Rainbow Festival either. Go Figure!

The event does raise funds, however; over $300,000 this year including almost $700 from Team Harper. It was a good day.

“Why Can’t Those People Just Keep It To Themselves?”

Today is National Coming Out Day. It is observed annually on October 11th; the anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. Today is the 25th anniversary.

‘Coming out’; acknowledging one’s sexual orientation, first to one’s self, and then to one or more of one’s acquaintances, friends and loved ones; is a rite of passage for LGBT people. In other communities; cultural, racial, ethic communities, and communities of faith; one is identified as a member of the group by association early on; often at birth. One learns over time what membership means; to one’s self and in society. I am Caucasian because my parents and ancestors were Caucasian. I’m a Protestant because my family was Protestant and they took me to church and taught me to be a Protestant as well. I am an American because I was born into a family that came to this country generations ago. These are all things I knew as a child; even if I would only later come to understand that those associations have larger meanings.

For LGBT people there is an additional variable. In most cases our parents are heterosexual. We are raised to think we are members of that community as well. Heterosexuality is the default paradigm in our society. It is only later, and usually quite alone, that we come to the realization we are different from that standard expectation.

Is coming out a political act? No, and Yes! Any LGBT person will tell you coming out is essentially a very personal journey of self-discovery. The first challenge, for many the hardest, is the process that takes place inside our heads before we ever think of talking to someone else.

Feminist writers of the 1970’s popularized the phrase; “The Personal is Political”. In this context I suggest that means coming out becomes political in the context of living in a society that stigmatizes LGBT people. It is act of self-empowerment; of asserting one’s own integrity; of choosing not to live one’s life as if one has something to hide or has something of which one should be ashamed. To those in our society who oppose equality and diversity that is a very political act indeed. Sitting down on a city bus wasn’t a political act until Rosa Parks did it and the larger society viewed it as confrontational. Society’s reaction to the perceived meaning of the act makes it political.

Coming out is not political in the partisan sense. Not all LGBT people are liberals or even Democrats. For many, if not most, our orientation is not the primary driver of how we vote. We struggle in the same economic climate as everyone else. We have jobs, have lost jobs, run businesses, pay taxes, and have mortgages. We have the same concerns about terrorism and crime. I live in an area where immigration is a very sensitive issues. There is no consensus in the LGBT community around that issue.

So, all that said, why is it important to come out? There are altruistic reasons. It is important because there are so many voices telling people struggling with their identity that they are vile, awful, evil people who are not loved; even by God him/herself. Other voices are needed assuring those struggling people that they are not alone. It is important because some people in our society see the extraordinarily high suicide rate among LGBT young people as “a good start”; a cause for celebration. Others need to be the voice of reason and compassion. It is important because coming out is hard and we who have dealt with it have the power to make it easier for those that follow.

There are also selfish reasons. Studies have shown the key driver of whether a voter casts their ballot in support of or in opposition to the interests of LGBT people is their own personal experience with us. If all the public sees are drag queens and men in leather on Fox News (of course, those are the only gay people who would ever be shown on Fox News) it is easier to see us only as people who are totally different from themselves; without seeing the ways we are alike. Those images are important parts of our history and community but if we allow those to be the only images seen, we fail to properly represent our community. When anyone I know hears “gay people”, I want the first image in their mind to be my partner and I; their neighbors; the guys out walking their dog at 5:30 AM. Then maybe they’ll understand that the people disrupting funerals by waiving their “God Hates Fags” picket signs in some grieving mother’s face are the ones they need to be worried about; not Harper’s two “Dads”.

“Come out to your relatives… come out to your friends… if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors… to your fellow workers… to the people who work where you eat and shop… come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake. For the sake of the youngsters who are becoming scared by the votes from Dade to Eugene.”

Harvey Milk
June 25, 1978