Yesterday was a bad day. I’m not sure why. Nothing extraordinarily bad happened. For whatever reason, I woke up feeling like I’d been French-kissed by a dementor and every event throughout the day, large and small alike, seemed to accelerate my plunge into the black well of misery & desolation we call life in the 21st century.
I awoke this morning wondering what fresh hells awaited me that would cause me to plummet farther into the abyss. The first thing I did, as is my wont, was check my email. Suddenly I feel better. In my email I found a most encouraging message from Boby Wood captioned; “waiting for your early reply”. I guess his name is actually ‘Boby Wood Young’ but he’s just ‘Boby Wood’ to me.
I am sorry to encroach into your privacy in this manner. I find it pleasurable to offer you my partnership in business. I want to solicit your attention to receive money on my behalf amount of $5,000,000.00 Dollars contained inside one box. I am Captain Bob Wood Young from England, an officer in the UK Army, and also a West Point Graduate presently serving in the Military with the 82nd Air Borne Division Peace keeping force in Afghanistan.I need your help in assisting me with the safe keeping of a the box in your country based on trust. I hope you can be trusted? I will explain further when i get a response from you.
waiting for your early reply,
Capt.Bob Wood Young.
There is so much cause for joy in this message. Soon Casa de Harper will be the home, albeit temporarily, of a box containing $5 million! With this news, how could I fail to whistle a happy tune?
First of all, a big ‘shout out’ to Boby’s parents for persevering in their desire to name their infant son ‘Bobby’ at a time when there was apparently ‘b’ rationing in England. I think I read something about a world-wide ‘b’ shortage. It was a dark time for all that lived through it. And while I’m recognizing them, kudos to Mom & Dad for giving him ‘Wood’ for a middle name. He must have grown up with confidence and security knowing that, come what may, he will always have Wood. I bet that contributed to him becoming an officer.
It seems my correspondent, let’s call him ‘Captain Bob’, is an officer in Her Majesty’s Army, presently assigned to peacekeeping duties in Afghanistan. Captain Bob “finds it pleasurable” to offer me an opportunity to receive, on his behalf, $5 Million in one box. One box? I mean….., $5 million! Unless they are fairly large bills it could be a pretty big box. Well, there is some extra storage space at Casa de Harper. And never let it be said I shirked an opportunity to give pleasure to one our of boys in uniform; far away from home, making the world a more peaceful place.
I feel confident calling Captain Bob one of “our boys” even though he is English because he graduated from West Point. I’m not sure how many officers in the “UK Army” graduated from the American Military Academy but he is justifiably proud of it so Captain Bob is an American in my book and we’re darn proud to claim him.
Captain Bob needs me to keep his box of money safe for him. That makes sense, him being in a war zone and all. Of course he needs to know if I can be counted upon to assist him. Toward that end, he asks the question; “I hope you can be trusted?” That’s an odd phrase when read aloud as a question. Is he questioning my trustworthiness or his own hopefulness? In any case, some people might be offended by having their trustworthiness called into question but I can understand his concern. Afterall, we’ve never met and it is a box containing $5 million. A little caution seems only prudent. I’d expect nothing less from an officer.
Captain Bob says he’s waiting for my early reply. I read his note at 5:45 AM MST. That’s pretty early here. Of course, it is much later in Afghanistan. I hate to think of him sitting by his laptop waiting for my reply.
I’ll post a picture of the box when it arrives. Some readers may never have seen a box with $5 million inside. I wonder if he’d mind if I painted the box. I don’t think it would harm the cash inside if I applied some brown paint and a little faux woodgrain. Then we could use it as a table. You know…., depending on the size and shape of the box.
I look forward to meeting Captain Bob and hearing his war stories about Afghanistan when he comes to Phoenix to claim his box full of money. I’ve always loved an English accent. Of course, he may have lost a lot of his accent when he was in New York attending West Point. There I go again, looking for the dark cloud that surrounds every silver lining.