Boys’ Weekend

Tomorrow morning I am abandoning Harper and her Other Dad and hitting the open road with two friends who are similarly casting aside home and loved ones.

“Get your motor running
Head out on the highway …”

Riding ‘shotgun’ will be friend Neal, another transplanted Midwesterner, he and his partner settled in Harper’s Valley a few years ago after living for many years in Seattle.

Friend Leon is flying in from Chicago. His partner claims to be off on some kind scientific endeavor. We’ll rendezvous with him back at Casa de Harper on the weekend but by then there will be tales to tell…not that we’ll actually tell them. We pick Leon up at the Tucson airport at 11:20 AM. Then we hit the highway, looking for trouble. Life is cheap to our sort.

“Looking for adventure
 And whatever comes our way….”

Our primary destination is Bisbee AZ. Bisbee, along with nearby Willcox and Benson,  are the tri-cities of southeast Arizona. In the center of the triangle formed by these cities lies historic Tombstone. You know; Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday, Gunfight at the O.K. Corral… that Tombstone. I just know there’ll be hats!

We have no real agenda for the trip. (That’s how we roll!) I plan to visit Tombstone’s famous Bird Cage Theatre. It was a theater, saloon, gambling hall and brothel in the 1880’s. (Last summer I toured Dolly’s House in Ketchikan Alaska. I do love me some pioneer brothels!) An 1882 New York Times article described The Bird Cage as; “The Wildest, Wickedest night spot between Basin Street and the Barbary Coast .” Some claim the Bird Cage is haunted. Reports of paranormal activity have been investigated because some visitors “claim to have been touched and pushed by unseen forces.” Isn’t that what you pay for when you visit a brothel? Calling it ‘paranormal’ sounds pretty judgmental of a poor girl just trying to make a living by sharing her favors with a miner or two.

“Like a true nature’s child
We were born, born to be wild….”

Of course, a bucket of cold water splashes on my highway idylls when I remember our combined ages is about 175 and we’ve, collectively, been partnered for more than 80 years. It’s a bitter dose of reality to realize I’m starting to think of “Happy Hour” as an “Early Bird Special”.

“Catholica”

We never plan our trip around it but several times our Santa Fe weekend has coincided with “Spanish Market”. It is one of two similar events that Santa Fe hosts each summer. The other is the “Indian Market”.

Spanish Market is a huge event in Santa Fe. The entire Plaza and historic downtown area is closed to automobiles and taken over by tents housing artists and artisans. Some is fine art. Some is folk art. Some is kitsch. There is definitely a common theme, however. Since the focus is on the area’s Spanish heritage and that heritage was, largely, imported by missionaries, the Plaza is awash in what I have decided to call “Catholica”. Dictionary.com tells me there is no such word but I think there should be.

If the term “Judaica” can be used to describe everything from mezuzahs & menorahs to the works of Chagall, we need a corresponding term to describe the wares on offer in the row upon row of tents occupied by people hawking crucifixes, shines, paintings of various saints and holy persons and as many variations the BVM (Blessed Virgin Mary) as the mind can conceive…no pun intended.

Spanish Market is a wonderful cultural event in the city and I enjoy seeing it, though I have never purchased anything. Part of the reason, I’m sure, is that, having been raised as an evangelical Protestant, I don’t feel the same connection to iconography as those raised in more orthodox communities of faith. Also, at the risk of seeming insensitive, how many variations of the RC (Roman Catholic) version of the cross can there really be? Once one gets the shape and proportions right, the rest is just ornamentation; right? Aren’t they all really the same, plus or minus the bedazzler?

Excluding holiday decorations, the collection of Catholica at Casa de Harper is limited. We have a crucifix; somewhere. We have a plastic miniature of Michelangelo’s Pietà. I believe that was a gift from friends who visited the Vatican. We also have a small plastic statue of St. Joseph. As a Southern Baptist, and a lapsed one, I don’t understand a lot about Saints but I think I get St. Joseph. (He was JC’s step-father; right?)

As I understand the custom, when one wants to sell a house, one buries a statue of St. Joseph in the yard. Once the home sells, one digs up the statue and displays it in a place of honor in the new home. That’s what we did when we sold our last house. Did it help? I don’t know. But I know, at some point, we will want to sell Casa de Harper. I’m O.K. with adding the intercession of a Saint to “location. location, location” as a marketing strategy.

Home Sweet Home

The weekend in Santa Fe was terrific. We enjoyed some cooler weather; even got to experience a good, old-fashioned thunderstorm with a real downpour. We reconnected with a friend we met in Santa Fe a few years ago and enjoyed meeting his traveling companion who was visiting from Miami. We had a wonderful dinner at a restaurant we’d never tried before and we took some time out to tour a small local distillery. Oh, yes….we went to the opera too!

Truck Stop Humor

Coming home is always pleasant. It is nice to take road trips with Harper’s Other Dad. Sometimes we talk seriously but more often we just giggle…. a lot. Having made the journey a few times now, however, there is no way to describe the drive itself as anything other than boring. It is an 8 hour drive. Hours 2-3 have some terrific New Mexico, high-desert scenery, interrupted too often by yet another casino. The trip down the hill from Flagstaff; Hour 7, has some beautiful views as you descend back into the Valley and return to the Sonoran Desert. Other than that, the road has few curves and few landmarks.

Returning to the Valley means returning to the heat. When we left Santa Fe it was 61*F. When we arrived home it was 107*F. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.

107*F

Returning to the Valley also means bringing Harper home from the PetsHotel. She seemed happy to see us; maybe just happy to be going home.

As much as I love Sirius radio on long trips, there is always one earworm that burrows in deep and takes a couple of days to shed. I thought I should share my pain good fortune with you.

Oscar

Last night I attended the opening-night performance of the world premier of Oscar; an opera based on the life of Irish writer, aesthete and wit, Oscar Wilde. It was an evening to remember.

The performance appeared to be sold out; 2200+ in attendance. The Santa Fe Opera audiences are an eclectic mix for any performance. Some people attend very well dressed as one might expect for an opera performance. Others come very casually dressed as befits an evening that may start with ‘tailgating’ in the parking lot or picnicking on the grounds. Last night’s performance, being a special event, there were more than the usual number of tuxedos and gowns. There is another factor affecting the tuxedo count. Without delving too deeply into stereotypes; while it is not unusual to encounter one of “nature’s bachelors” at the opera, last night, because of the event and the subject matter, it looked like the Human Rights Campaign Fund dinner…. or a really well-dressed tea dance. (You couldn’t swing a beaded bag without hitting a friend of Dorothy!) I confess that is part of the reason it was such a pleasant evening. There was no ‘Red Carpet’ but it was big event with guests from all over the world, including Wilde’s grandson.

This is the second time I’ve attended the opening night performance of an opera’s world premier. In 1999, Harper’s Other Dad and I saw the premier of William Bolcom’s adaptation of Arthur Miller’s A View From The Bridge. Mr. Miller, who wrote the libretto as well as the original play, joined the cast and composer on stage during the curtain call. I wish I’d been able to meet him. Aside from being a brilliant playwright and one of the defining figures of 20th-century American theater, imagine the ‘six-degrees-of-separation’ potential of meeting Marilyn Monroe’s ex-husband. But I digress.

Morrison

Oscar was composed by Theodore Morrison, his first opera, with a libretto by the composer and John Cox. The opera was written for countertenor David Daniels who sang the title role. No one at the pre-performance discussion could recall another contemporary opera where the lead is a countertenor. The opera is a co-production with Opera Philadelphia where it will be staged in 2015.

Morrison and Daniels knew each other at the University of Michigan (Go Blue!) where Morrison is in the faculty and Daniels studied. The libretto is not adapted from another work but, rather, crafted from Wilde’s writings and the writings of his friends and contemporaries. The opera took 9 years to develop, in part because it was done without a commission or committed publisher.

The opera covers the period in Wilde’s life between 1895; the beginning of the series of legal battles that would result in his conviction and imprisonment on the charge of “gross indecency”; and his release from prison in 1897. An epilogue is set in 1900, at the time of Wilde’s death. The decision to focus on this time period is important because, while highly dramatic, and therefore operatic, it limits the opportunity to include much of the wit for which Wilde continues to be famous.

The opera opens with Wilde suffering the effects of having been publicly labeled a sodomite. Act I ends with his conviction. Act II is set mostly in prison and ends just after his release. The composer is quoted as saying he wanted to depict Wilde, not as a victim, but as a heroic figure who showed courage in the face of oppression. I think he succeeds as much as historical events allow. The two are not mutually exclusive. If Wilde’s story proves anything it is that one can be a victim and still show courage in the face of oppression.

The opera is very modern in feel and yet unlike many modern operas. The music is tonal and melodic. The arrangements feel, at times, romantic. 20th century musical influences are clearly heard in the score. Almost all the vocals are recitative. I don’t recall any significant arias, duets or trios. As such, I am not sure how likely the opera will see much life on the concert stage. I’m not sure, even how well it would translate to an opera recording.

Dramatically, the production is modern and edgy. Wilde’s trial is depicted as a farcical meeting of toys; the judge cast as a jack-in-the-box. Lord Douglas, Wilde’s “Bosie”, does not have a singing role in the opera but is portrayed by a dancer in various incarnations throughout; at one point appearing as himself, the young and beautiful object of Wilde’s affection in Wilde’s prison fantasy; later appearing as ‘Death” in a highly stylized modern dance sequence leading to an execution by hanging. After his release, Wilde wrote about this execution in his poem; “The Ballad of Reading Gaol”.

The set is startlingly effective. It is unusual for Santa Fe in that it is basically a ‘box’ set; albeit it a every elaborate one. One of the unique features of the Santa Fe Opera house is the open stage that allows the audience to see through the production to the New Mexico landscape beyond. I don’t recall another production using a set that included a back wall that obstructed the view. In this case, however, it was effective. It would have diminished the visual impact of the horrendously oppressive conditions in the prison if there were a red-rock sunset shining through.

The narrative is linear and easy to follow. American poet Walt Whitman is a character in the opera. Whitman and Wilde met during Wilde’s visit to North America in 1882. Whitman died in 1892; he did not live to see Wilde’s trials but he acts as narrator and, at times, a kind of Greek chorus.

My opera companions and I shared an interesting discussion about why the role of Oscar Wilde would be written for a countertenor. It is reported that Wilde’s speaking voice was fairly high so that may have been a factor. Also, the project started with Morrison’s desire to write an opera for Daniels. The decision to make the opera about Wilde came afterward. Mr. Daniels is a world-class talent and his performance was wonderful. He should be proud that he was able to use his clout in the opera world to bring this project to fruition.

The Year in Review

Today is the first birthday of Harper’s Valley. My first “shout into the void” of the blogosphere was July 27, 2012.

As these milestones are wont to be, it seems like an opportunity to look back with the benefit of some, albeit limited, hindsight.

Of what am I proud?
What opportunities to improve have presented themselves?
Have I learned anything about other people through the experience?
And what, if anything, have I learned about myself?
Should there be a year #2?

Let’s look at the numbers. I have created 193 posts; too few to my mind. As of this writing, there have been 19,064 views and 1900 comments. I offer my sincere thanks to everyone who stopped by with special thanks to those that took the time to comment. I really appreciate it.

There are a few postings of which I am proud. I wrote a post last August about Poll Workers which I like. A post last September about the events of our lives that are shared memories was well received. A post called “Some Photos Are More Evocative Than Others” was a milestone for me. It was my first attempt to write something truly personal and went to a level of self-disclosure that is definitely outside my comfort zone. Desert SssssSafari is a post from last fall that I was pleased with. I think I succeeded in making it funny. Additionally, a couple of readers who know me in the real world told me it sounded like me. I took that as a compliment. I wrote a post on National Coming Out Day called “Why Can’t These People Just Keep it to Themselves“. I was pleased with it and several people commented favorably and shared it on other social media.

A couple of times in the past year I went about a month between posts. The reasons why that happened are interesting to me. I am not sure I was aware of the cause/effect at the time but, in both cases, the gaps come after I received some pretty harsh feedback. There are two opportunities to improve for me in this. First: I need to make sure I follow through on the commitment I made to myself to post regularly. Second: I need to develop a thicker skin in evaluating the feedback of others. Critique is valuable. Disagreement and debate that come from a place of mutual respect are worthwhile. I need to ‘get over’ the idea that criticism offered in an aggressive, harsh manner must be accurate.

When I started this “adventure in hubris” a year ago I wrote;

The challenge of creating content that is clear, articulate, and engaging, if not altogether enjoyable, will force me to spend more time in my ‘right brain’. At the same time, learning to use the tools and technology of this medium will be a growth opportunity and will keep the ‘left brain’ fully engaged. 

I have been generally pleased by the outcomes on both.

One of the greatest strengths and most debilitating weaknesses of internet communication is anonymity. I hope this format will make it both easier and more necessary to communicate candidly and openly. I see this as a two-stage process. First, capture whatever squirrelly thoughts are lurking behind my eyes and give them voice; essentially converting soliloquy into monologue. Secondly, to make that voice compelling enough to generate reader response; converting monologue into dialog.

Results here are mixed. I need to challenge myself to be more candid. This blog will never be a “let me show you my wounds” exercise but readers will get to know me better if I focus less on writing about researched factoids related to whatever has captured my attention. I need to a strike better balance.

The first page I created a year ago asked three questions:

Do I have the insight? Are my musing, gripes and passions interesting enough to engage anyone outside the boundaries of my own brain?

The jury is still out on this but I’ve come to realize it always will be. Some posts will interest others. Some posts will only interest me. Both have value. And if a post interests none of us? Well, there is always the delete button.

Do I have the skills? Are my communication skills up to the task of sharing my thoughts effectively and engagingly?

I think I am moving in the right direction. With practice, skill development and continuing to see so many good examples in the writing of others, I’ll improve as a communicator.

Do I have the courage to be honest. I’m the best judge here but this is a classic example of the saying; “perception is reality”. It doesn’t matter how honest I am if it feels false to the reader.

This continues to be the area of greatest challenge for me. I am still too cautious and it is still far too easy to internalize negative feedback when I receive it.

I have met some terrific people, some in the blogosphere and some in the real world. I appreciate the opportunity of getting to know you. A few people I knew in the real world are also active in the blogosphere. I had hoped I might get to know them better through this. That has not happened which is a disappointment. But who knows what the future will bring.
And I’ve encountered a few people with whom I did not ‘click’. That’s OK. I am not BFFs with every person I’ve ever met in the real world either.

So, at the end of year #1, I am feeling OK about Harper’s Valley. Were I grading it, I would give it a C+. It’s not what I hope it may be but I feel good about it often enough to sign up for another year. I’ll need some new pictures of Harper.

La Donna Del Lago

Joyce DiDonato as La Donna del Lago

Bette Midler as Delores de Lago

The first thing to know about La Donna del Lago; the heroine of Rossini’s opera of the same name, is that she is NOT the same character as Delores de Lago; ‘the Toast of Chicago’. Once I put that confusion behind me, I was able to see the Santa Fe Opera’s production of La Donna del Lago with an open mind.

Based on a poem by Sir Walter Scott, La Donna del Lago; the Lady of the Lake, is the story of the Scottish lass, Elena, who is loved by three men in the midst of a rebellion of a Scottish Highland clan against James V, King of Scotland. Her father wants her to marry Rodrigo, the Highland chief who loves her but fails to capture her heart. The King loves her, especially when he is wandering around disguised as Uberto., but again, she loves him not. Her heart belongs to the dashing Malcom but her father, the King, and two opposing armies stand between them.

The opera has an interesting history. Written in 1819, it was 29th of Rossini’s 39 operas. It was very successful and part of the standard repertoire of major opera houses until about 1860 when it, effectively, disappeared. Tastes moved toward a more realistic, verismo, style of opera. Victorian era sensibilities were cool toward the melodramatic styles of bel canto pieces such as this. It would be almost 100 years before another major production of the opera would appear. Given new life as a part of the bel canto revival in the mid-late 20th century, the opera was showcased to a new generation of opera goers in a production starring Frederica von Stade and Marilyn Horne in the early 1980’s.

The cast is universally terrific. Special praise goes to Joyce DiDonato in the title role and to Marianna Pizzolato in the trouser role of Malcom. The production looks great as well. I was not impressed by the set at the beginning but as it demonstrated it versatility as the opera progressed it won me over.

Toward the finale of Act I a number of Highland clansmen appear in simple blue garments and slashes of blue body paint and proceed to writhe on the stage. Later the rest of the Highland clansmen apply the blue war paint and head off to do battle as the Act ends. Based on the movie Braveheart, I gather this kind of war paint is historically accurate so including it in the opera lends verisimilitude. The gyrations were distracting however. Imagine listening to beautiful, powerful music while watching a group of Smurfs attending the prom at Saint Vitus High School.

Blue men notwithstanding, I can’t think of a valid criticism for this production. It is wonderfully conceived and brilliantly executed. All of which makes it odd to say I have no wish to see another production of La Donna del Lago. I can’t imagine it being done any better than Santa Fe’s production and I don’t much care for the opera itself. Unlike most Rossini operas, there is no overture. Not a great deal happens to move the story along. It’s a matter of personal taste but, for me, a little coloratura goes a long way. In this opera there are two brilliant mezzos and two brilliant tenors with apparently free rein to display their virtuosity; just too many notes for my unsophisticated ear. I am very happy to have seen this production but I think I will give the opera a pass next time I have the opportunity to see it.

Do You Know The Way to Santa Fe?

Harper is relaxing and recreating in the PetsHotel and her Other Dad and I are off for a weekend of cooler weather and opera in Santa Fe, NM.

There are many things to recommend Santa Fe as a get away destination.  An 8 hour car trip, it is too far away for a standard weekend but is ideal for a 3 – 4 day trip. We left home Thursday evening and drove about half way; spending the night in Holbrook, Arizona. Holbrook is one of the old Route 66 communities. Because the Interstate highway that replaced Historic Route 66 passes nearby, the town has survived better than some of the less fortunate Rt 66 towns that were bypassed completely. It has not fared quite as well as nearby Winslow…. but then no one ever sang a song about “…standing on a corner in Holbrook Arizona” (“….such a fine sight to see.”) We will finish the drive to Santa Fe tomorrow morning and look forward to meeting a friend at The Shed; a lunch-time favorite. Green chili pork stew and sangria; or “Bloody’s” made with tequila instead of vodka; Yum!

As state capitals go, Santa Fe is not a large city. With a population of about 68,000, it is the 4th largest city in New Mexico behind Albuquerque, Las Cruces, and Rio Rancho. It has 20,000 more people than Roswell according to the 2010 census but I believe extraterrestrials were excluded from the count so the Roswell number may be understated.

Size notwithstanding, it is a city rich in history; both Native and colonial. There were Pueblo Native communities on site beginning around 900 CE. The Spanish colonized this part of North America and made Santa Fe the provincial capital in 1610. Under one flag or another, it has been a capital ever since.

Texas claimed the city as a part of their fledgling republic when they seceded from Mexico in 1836 but the territory, including the capital city, were ceded to the United States by Mexico in the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo at the end of the Mexican-American War (1848). The Confederate flag flew over the capital briefly in March of 1862 but the Union Army re-took the city after only a few days.

My  first visit to Santa Fe was in December of 2005. We’d relocated from Michigan to Arizona earlier that year and we were struggling with our first holidays without snow. Since neither of us have ever been to Santa Fe, it seemed an ideal time to visit. The city is popular during the holidays, in part because of its proximity to the ski area of Taos. And nobody does luminaries better than Santa Fe at Christmas.

Since that first visit we’ve  visited more often in the summer. At an attitude of 7200 feet, the city is more than 6000 higher in altitude than Harper’s Valley and that means “cooler”. The forecasts for this weekend? Harper’s Valley: high of 107*F  – overnight low of 88*F. Santa Fe: high of 79*F – overnight low 55*F. I can’t even recall the last time I wore long pants, much less a sweater.

Santa Fe is also a city with a vibrant arts community. One of the world’s premier art markets, the galleries of Santa Fe would be happy to sell you a ‘sofa-sized’ oil painting or sculpture for that empty corner in your home for a few hundred thousand dollars. If money were no object I can’t think of a better place to shop than the galleries along Canyon Road. For those more interested in looking than buying, the Georgia O’Keeffe Museum is a highlight. Ms O’K lived and worked in Santa Fe for many years.

The highlight of a summer visit for us is always the opera. Most opera companies, at least in the US, take the summers off. The Santa Fe Opera performs at their open-air theater in July and August . Their productions feature world-class singers and designers and do a remarkable number of premiers of new operas. We’ve seen several over the years and this weekend look forward to seeing the premier of Oscar; a new opera based on the trials of Oscar Wilde.

In addition to the production quality, the setting is beautiful and, at times, literally breathtaking. The stage is open on the back so the audience can see through to the mountains in the distance. as the sun sets. This time of year thunderstorms are common and seeing the lightning in the sky over the mountains during a performance is an experience not to be missed. We will be seeing two performances this weekend featuring singers we saw this season on the Met’s “Live In HD” broadcasts. Reviews to follow.

It’s Not TV – It’s HBO….. and Showtime!

Until recently, we had not subscribed to any premium cable television channels. I’ve noticed the change in the television landscape as the one-hour drama series and, more recently, half-hour situation comedies have migrated away from the networks to basic cable channels and then to the subscription channels. The vacuum created was filled by cheaper-to-produce “reality” programs. Every year more and more of the award-winning television programming is produced by the subscription services. This year’s Emmy nominations highlight the point. More nominations went to HBO programs than all the non-subscription sources combined.  Most of the programs become available on Netflix at some point, however, so we never made subscriptions a priority in the budget. As I wrote in a recent post (I Love Bob), I had the opportunity to add a couple subscription channels at a reduced rate for a trial period. Never one to pass up a bargain, I decided to add HBO and Showtime for a few months. (The is when the off-stage chorus begins to sing “Whole New World” from Aladdin .)

Things have changed in the years since I last subscribed to a premium service. Last time I had HBO in my home it was one channel that showed movies and had a few self-produced sports programs. Now it is nine channels; including one in Spanish, and much of the content is self-produced movies and series programming  I had never subscribe to Showtime before but I find it is not one channel but five. Even more significantly, there is HBO and Showtime “On Demand” so I can watch many of their programs at will, instead of waiting for them to turn up on one of the 14 channels. (This is when the off-stage chorus gets to the line in the lyrics that says “Don’t you dare close your eyes.”) Sleep? Feh! I don’t need no stinking sleep; not when there are 84 episodes of Dexter to watch before the start of the new season. Gym time? But I am 6 years behind on Californication! There are still movies of course. I watched Harry Potter #8 for the second time; O.K. second and third. HBO films Behind the Candelabra and Game Change have been highlights as well.

Of the series, some are programs I knew of, but have never seen like Newsroom and Homeland. Others were happy discoveries like Family Tree and Web Therapy.

Some highlights so far:

Newsroom

I am a big fan of Aaron Sorkin, the show’s creator, as playwright/screenwriter (“A Few Good Men”) and for his previous television programs (Sports Night, The West Wing). The show is incredibly well-written. Like The West Wing, the show has an obvious political bent which will turn off some potential viewers. In a way this makes it a play-within-a-play since the producers of the the show’s news broadcast confront that issue in each episode.

Dexter

I’d seen the first two seasons of Dexter on DVD a few years ago. The serial-killer-as-protaganist theme is fascinating. They have announced the current season; Season 8, will be its last. I like the show very much but I think that is probably a good decision. The themes seem to have been fully explored. Of course, it may feel that way because I’ve watched 86 episodes in the past couple months.

Homeland

A big winner at last year’s Emmy’s, this program is intense.

Family Tree

Written and directed by Christopher Guest, anyone who is a fan of Guest’s films like This Is Spinal Tap, Best in Show, or, my personal favorite, Waiting for Guffman will like this half-hour comedy which appears; like Guest himself, to be both English and American.

Web Therapy

I have never been a huge fan of the Friends gang so, seeing this is a Lisa Kudrow vehicle, I might have given it a pass. Harper’s Other Dad mentioned having seen advertisement that showed Lily Tomlin as a guest star so I decided to check it out. With an amazing roster of guest stars (Meryl Streep on a sit-com?!?), it is quirky, bizarre and hysterically funny.

Not everything is a winner of course; at least not in my humble opinion.

I am not a fan of the Julia Louis-Dreyfus sit-com VEEP.

Showtime’s The Borgias is a guilty pleasure. It appeals to my love of history and big costume-dramas but the show could, just as easily, have been called “Vatican 90210”.

I just discovered a series called Preamar. A soap-opera type program in the tradition of Dynasty.  The show is set in Rio de Janeiro. Unfortunately, it is in Portuguese with English subtitles so it is not a program one can watch while multi-tasking; which kind of puts it outside my comfort zone for television.

And there are still so many more things I have yet to explore. Weeds? Nurse Jackie? The Big C?

It’s Not T.V. – it’s a black hole of discretionary time.

I Love Bob

I called our local cable provider recently to find out how to go about getting a new remote control. It’s hard to imagine a better example of a ‘first-world problem’ but, after 8 years of loyal service, the remote for our cable box was giving up the ghost.

The helpful Customer Relations Associate; Bob, informed me of my options. He would happily (and he really did seem happy about it), ship me a new remote but I would, sadly (and he really did seem sad about it), have to pay the shipping cost. Otherwise, if I could take my current, gasping-for-its-last-breath, remote control to one of their convenient retail locations along with a photo ID, they would give me a new remote free of charge. “I see we have a store 3.2 miles from your home.” Setting aside the flash of paranoia over the fact that Bob knew where I lived when I had only ever given him my first name, I said I would be happy to visit their convenient retail location.

In the aftermath of a recent burglary at Casa de Harper, we were less than thrilled with our current Home Security provider and had been considering changing companies. “Bob, while I am in your convenient retail location, would they be able to give me information about your Home Security services?”; I asked naïvely. Well of course they would! That Bob; what a guy!

“While I have you on the phone;” said my new BFF Bob; “I see you have cable television, high-speed internet, and local telephone services with us; and you are now considering adding Home Security. We are currently offering customers with three or more services in their bundle, premium channels at reduced rates for a 6 month introductory period. You can cancel at any time.”

Cable company bundling prices are a form of alchemy if not witchcraft. I am not a novice in the ways of things financial but I have more success reading chicken entrails than understanding what a change in service would do to my cable bill. Now that I think of it, I have never been inside one of their Call Centers so it is possible the two are related. I heard something that could have been poultry sacrifice in the background while I was talking with Bob.

After a few minutes of helpful chat, I was on the way to getting a new remote control, had the name of a Home Security Consultant who would be contacting me to schedule an appointment to review their services, and two premium channels at a combined, incremental cost of only $11 per month; for the first six months, associated sales & telecommunications taxes not included.

If Harper ever gets a sibling we should name him/her “Bob”.

Coming soon…

HBO & Showtime. They’re Heeeere!
Harper’s Keeper disappears into the television just like Carol Anne.

Proposed New Rule – NSFW

Comedian Bill Maher ends each broadcast of his HBO series Real Time With Bill Maher with a segment called “New Rules” when he selects items from the news or current events and opines that there should be a “new rule” that prohibits such behavior. I have a suggestion for him.

New Rule: People need to keep it in their pants when the camera is rolling! Unless you are appearing in an adult film or participating in some type of legitimate medical research, the list of circumstances when it is appropriate to show your penis to a camera is pretty short…so to speak. Three recent reports have created “etch-a-sketch” pictures in my head that would never have been there had this simple rule been observed. I’ve had to shake my head so hard to make these pictures disappear I may have whiplash.

Huff Post Weird News reported the story of a California pizza restaurant’s security camera catching a man amusing himself in his private parts in the restaurant’s kitchen. The restaurant’s owner denies he is the man in the picture. He further denies that it is his kitchen shown. He blames the recording on disgruntled former employees. If this story is true it is disgusting. If not true, I hope there are severe consequences to whomever posted it for the damage they have done to this restaurant, its owner and employees.

In another report from Huff Post’s Weird News, an employee of a Subway restaurant admitted posting a photograph of himself online. In the photo he was rubbing his member on a 12 inch loaf of the restaurant’s bread. He acknowledges taking and posting the photo but denies the event took place inside the restaurant. He says he took the photo at home. The photograph appears to dispute that claim. Even if true; does that make it OK?

It is difficult to know how to rank the ways this is ‘scary-stupid’. It is disgusting. Again, this is an image that will exist in the minds of the consumer and will damage this business and its employees. Near Casa de Harper, Subway and Quiznos are only a mile apart. Where will I next stop for a sandwich?

A more random thought, but definitely toward the top of the list of why this is stupid; who, in their right mind, would invite that comparison in a photograph, much less post it on the web?!

I am unable to find even a shred of humor in the third story. On Sunday, July 14, the Satanic Temple, a New York-based organization that seeks to foster “benevolence and empathy among all people” through Satan, performed a ritual called a “pink mass” at the Mississippi gravesite of Catherine Johnston, mother of Westboro Baptist Church (that’s the “God Hates Fags” folks) founder Fred Phelps Jr. The purpose of the “pink mass” ritual was to make Ms. Johnston a lesbian in the afterlife.

The Pink Mass was performed twice; once with two gay men, and once with two lesbians — in an affirmation of the Satanist Temple’s belief in “freedom and the pursuit of happiness for all people.” The temple is now encouraging same-sex couples to visit the grave and perform their own pink masses. According to the Satanist Temple website, temple spokesman Lucien Greaves officiated the ceremonies while wearing horned headgear, and then proceeded to put his penis on Johnston’s grave.

I have no sympathy for Mr. Phelps and I feel nothing but contempt for the folks of Westboro Baptist Church. To my mind, they represent the worst of what even the broadest definitions of ‘religion’ can include. But in the end, they are a church. They have to right to believe what they believe and hate whomever they hate.

I had no feelings at all about The Satanic Temple. I never heard of them before this. I guess it is a religion or belief system, of a kind. As with God in his/her various forms, I know people who believe in Satan and people who don’t. Intellectually, I find it hard to reconstruct the thought process of someone who believes in Satan AND chooses to be a follower. Most people who believe in Satan view him/her negatively.  Maybe it’s like the Malfoys following Voldemort; The Dark Lord, in the Harry Potter books? What I know about Satan came from the Bible so maybe there is more to the story. I don’t know and, truthfully, this is one of those things I choose not to care about. Like the WBC, they have the right to believe what they believe and hate whomever they hate.

I am a gay man. From that perspective, all I can think of is; with allies like The Satanic Temple, who needs enemies? At a time when it begins to feel like there may be some momentum toward marriage equality, I am not sending a thank-you note to anyone who presents the image of same-sex marriage as two men kneeling on a grave while someone with horns officiates by resting his exposed genitals on the tombstone.

I am appalled at the suggestion that a Satanic ritual can make anyone gay; living or dead. Once again, I won’t be sending a note of thanks to the folks who thought the right message to send at this moment is history is that homosexuality is club one is recruited into, without ones consent, by followers of Satan.

To heap insult upon injury, the Satanist’s ‘protest’ is to make Fred Phelps’ mother a lesbian? I’ll ignore the implication that it is some kind of punishment to Mr Phelps,  or anyone else, to have a lesbian mother. Yes, I understand that it is a polemic action aimed at the Mormons who, famously, convert dead people, without their consent, into the LDS church. I am not going to defend the LDS practice of after-life conversion. I think the idea is offensive. The Satanists, however, are missing a huge difference. Being accepted into a community of faith is an act of choice. Usually it is a choice on the part of the community (through rites such as baptism, confirmation, bar/bat mitzvah, etc) as well as the individual. The Mormons skip that last part if you are dead. LGBT activists have been trying to make the point for generations that being gay is not a choice at all. Perhaps they should have added; “and certainly not a choice made for us by followers of Satan”. At least, that’s not how I got my card.

How many conservative and evangelical groups will drop that photo and article into their next fund-raising flyer? Again, no thank-you note from me, Satanists, but you might expect one from Karl Rove and Pat Robertson. National Organization for Marriage President Brian Brown might send flowers and a candy-gram.