I wrote the post linked below for National Coming Out Day in 2012. I wish I had some deeper insight on the subject than I did two years ago. I don’t. I wish I’d developed the skill to express myself more articulately so people who have not shared the experience might understand it better. I haven’t. Perhaps ‘coming out’ stories are meant to be exercises in ‘preaching to the choir’. National Coming Out Day is when people who already understand share with each other and celebrate how far we’ve come. Telling our stories is about empowering the storyteller, not changing the hearts and minds of those who might hear us.
Some things have changed since 2012. The move toward marriage equality seems to be achieving some kind of critical mass. That should be cause for celebration. But that same critical mass arriving, as it has, on the eve of the upcoming mid-term elections means the voices of hatred have never been louder. Not a day goes by when I am not confronted in the media by rhetoric of the most profound ugliness aimed directly at me and many of the people I care about.
That said, and with proper shout out to Sophie Tucker, ‘I’ve been ‘out’ and I’ve been closeted. Out is better.’ Yes, the escalation of hatred in this country frightens me. I’m frightened by what is going on in Russian and Uganda. It disturbs me that supposedly responsible political leaders in this country feel so comfortable voicing their support for what is happening in those countries. I’d have thought reasonable people with sincerely held conservative beliefs would be embarrassed by their thought-leaders expressing such wholehearted devotion to the moral descendants of Joseph Stalin and Idi Amin. Sadly, I’d be wrong.
People who lack understanding and empathy will not change their minds because of National Coming Out Day. Light will not penetrate their closed minds any more than it could penetrate the closet door. So it is just like the other 364 days of the year. I can live with that. There will always be reasons for fear. But being closeted does not just mean being afraid. It means being afraid and alone in a dark place. There is no way that’s better.
Why Can’t Those People Just Keep It To Themselves?
World politics are scary, knowing and not speaking up, have we not learned from the past?
Very well written. It’s both timely and cogent.
I agree; this was lovely prose.
In the hate debate that is going on now, reminds me of similar propaganda in many other countries where populist politicians speak of what decent and respectable people do, and ask are you a decent person and respectable citizen. It a speech that goes to the core of Bourgeois values the middle-class or those who think themselves in that group aspire too and it is seductive to hear it. Maybe the tide can be turned and those people will disappear, those whose life style we do not approve of. The populist politician knows this works every time. Though in Canada the question was settled 20 years ago today with the Reform Alliance and Conservative politicians the same questions are being re-debated, on abortion on gay rights. People living in large urban centres are described as Communists, immoral.
Only people who are living in the suburbs with other white folk are nice and decent because they have values. Social questions or what kind of society do we wish to be do not go away, they are always there. What I do not like is the confrontational and hateful speech, eventually it will come to a head.
glad you’re out AND a friend of mine!
WHAT!?! Harper’s Dad is gay?!? Harper has two Dads?!?
I’m afraid that I am going to have to retire to the fainting chaise.
Sidenote: “coming out” is also the opportunity to thank friends and relatives who had the patience to wait until you were ready to tell them
Side point is an EXCELLENT point. Sorry I did not think of it. Thanks for adding the thought.
Well, I’m glad you came out… as a blogger. It’s difficult to believe that two years have gone by.
Although National Coming Out Day might not in itself move the minds of those who lack understanding and empathy, I agree with your previous blog post that even those who lack empathy and understanding change their minds when those close to them come out. (See: Dick Cheney and even GW Bush)