What The Heck is Yoga Porn? (NSFW)

Sometimes I feel so old.

Yesterday’s HUFF POST WEIRD NEWS contained an article called; “What Are Your City’s Top Porn Searches?”. The organization “PornHub” compiled a list of the Top 5 search terms used in 24 U.S. cities by people seeking internet porn. They also included the name of the top porn star in each of those cities. None of the names of the porn stars are familiar. Of course, I don’t think I can name a porn star from this century. I am sure they are all talented performers in their chosen fields of expression. A couple of the conclusions that can be drawn from the statistics are disturbing but mostly they are just intriguing.

I should preface by saying I am not a porn aficionado. When I was in college a bunch of guys from the dorm would go out at the end of each term and engage in some binge drinking before staggering off to see whatever skin flick was on offer on campus. In hindsight I realize I was in it more for the alcohol and camaraderie than any real interest in seeing what was going on Behind the Green Door… or what thing the Devil & Miss Jones had going on.

My experience with straight porn was circumscribed to a 2-3 year period in the mid-1970’s. My first experience with gay porn wouldn’t come for another 10 years. I’ve seen some since that time in pubs but it is not something I’ve ever spent much time exploring at home. There is no cache of ‘inspirational’ videos hidden behind the books in the Casa de Harper library so, if we both were to drop dead tomorrow, no one would need to rush over and ‘straighten up’ before the heirs descend.

None of that should be interpreted to mean I disapprove of pornography. As long as it isn’t disruptive to one’s life and the action involves consenting adults of the same species I say ‘get your motor running’. We all have our interests. That just doesn’t happen to be mine.

So what are the key learnings from the PornHub’s search stats? Aside from my general cluelessness; I had to consult the Urban Dictionary to look up a couple of terms, there are some interesting findings.

The most popular individual search term was “massage”. I understand that one…’happy endings’ and all that. It was listed in the Top 5 in 22 of the 24 cities, usually as either first or second. That’s pretty clear-cut. The remainder of the results want a little more interpretation.

There was a tie for the second most popular individual term. “Lesbian” made the Top 5 in 14 cities though usually 4th or 5th. I guess the whole ‘girl-on-girl’ thing is not as popular as I’ve been led to believe.

The other term tieing for second place was “ebony”. The term was more common in larger cities and, where mentioned, it was usually in the Top 2. If one combines the results for the terms “ebony” and “black” however, it moves to first place. I find it interesting that ebony is a more popular term than black for porn shoppers. Who knew?

There are other examples where combining some results yields a clearer picture of people’s interests. Both “mom” and “milf” turned up in the Top 5 in some cities. “Asian”, is in the Top 5 in some cities but cities with large, diverse, Asian populations, like Honolulu and San Francisco, searched for “Japanese” and “Korean” separately.

I had to look up the terms “POV” and “cartoons”. Both are terms with which I am familiar but I confess I didn’t initially understand them in this context. Once again I am confronted by the degree to which I am out of touch with the popular culture. I honestly had no idea that animated porn was ‘a thing’, Not only does it exist but, apparently, it is popular. It made the Top 5 search terms in 5 American cities.

Which leads me to the most confounding of all the results. In both Portland, OR and Minneapolis, MN, one of the Top 5 search terms for people seeking porn on the internet was “yoga”. I’m at a loss. What would ‘yoga porn’ look like exactly? I hastily add the question is rhetorical. It is also an ‘etch-a-sketch question’ because as soon as I visualize the answer I will need to shake my head vigorously to make the picture go away.

On the other hand, “smoking” made the Top 5 search terms for porn seekers in Anchorage, AK and Jacksonville, FL. I guess people are more spiritual and health-conscious Portland and Minneapolis. At least the porn seekers are at any rate.